Don't give in to FEAR!!!

I am putting on my big girl pants and trying out an “advanced” class at the gym.  Sounds harmless and non-threatening, yet I find myself freaking out.  I have been planning to progress from the 2 workouts per week to the advanced rate of 3 per week for about a month.  Planning and psyching myself up.  This morning, it hit.  POW!!! That knot in your stomach (“I don’t want to do this”) feeling that I can always use as an excuse to delay that change. 

It is not the 3^rd class that is the problem, it is the unknown of what will happen during class.  What kind of exercises will we do?  How many people are in the class?  What if I barf? What if I faint?  I could go on and on.  What is it about new experiences the really ratchet up the anxiety for me?

Is it because my life has become so structured to better meet the needs of a child with Autism and anxiety?  Is it because it seems so much easier to just take the familiar road?  To be honest, I have struggled with the anxiety of the unknown for my entire life.  I don’t run 5k’s anymore because I would get so stressed out before the race that it was not enjoyable.  The weeks leading up to a new year in school cranked up the stress to the boiling point of the “sleepless” nights days before.  I HATE meeting new people.  Not the people themselves, but the “newness” and getting to know you phase. 

I am coming to recognize that much of this anxiety comes from the way I view myself.  I have noticed that I compare myself to other people and somehow find myself lacking.  There are “eyes” everywhere right?  Everyone is looking at me and my “bulge” of shame and thinking “What a loser!!!”  I am walking up to fill my drink at the local fast food restaurant and am sure everyone is watching finding fault in the way I fill my cup or my choice of beverage.  I can psych myself up and say “who cares?”  but, the problem is “I DO!”

I recognize this flaw in myself and the fact that the anxiety appears to grow each year.  I am working on this.  I have to really cling to the NEW that I have decided to try and really focus and force myself through the initial experience until the NEW  is routine.

 

So, choice time.  Do I use the excuse?  Or do I put on my big girl pants and do it anyway?  Now that I am a mother I find that I have to suck it up and do it anyway in many cases.  I am trying to teach my children to seek out new and exciting experiences and not give up just because it is uncomfortable.  I can look back and draw on a similar experience that will help.  In this case, I think about the classes I have been taking and how good I feel when I am done.  I picture “Ramon” (my bulge of shame) melting as I progress and power through each uncomfortable experience and…

I put on my shoes and head to the gym!!!

https://fitatforty.myitworks.com/Shop/Product/478

http://www.helpguide.org/mental/anxiety_self_help.htm

http://www.anxiety.org/

Try doing what your trainer told you to do in the first place!!!

Since my last post I have gained 20 pounds and am sporting quite the "bulge" of shame.  I have tried the diets, the pills, the trainers.  The best results have come when I have paired my efforts with someone who knows about health/wellness and movement.  I believe in getting help when you need it!

So, why am I where I am now?  To begin with... My Son.  I mentioned in a previous post, that my son is struggling with weight issues and is getting bullied and teased at school.  I am not a good person to ask about health and wellness and am at a loss on how to help him.  I don't want him to have the same body and food issues that I struggle with, so I found a man in our city who is quite good and runs a kid fit program.

My son has been learning how to strength train properly and more importantly, how and what to eat.  He is learning that your body is what it is and you cannot change your basic body type, but you can improve strength and mobility.  You can help your body become efficient at processing calories and you can learn to love yourself.  On a particularly tough day, I was telling him he needed to go train and he asked me what my workouts were like.  I was working with a different trainer in a women's fitness program at the time.  I LOVED my trainer and the girls I worked out with.

However, in an effort to keep my son motivated, I decided to change over to his trainer and do his workouts so that we could commiserate on the journey together.

This is where all of my so called wisdom went out the window.  First thing I was told is that I don't eat enough.  What do you mean?  I am eating 900 - 1200 calories a day.  Yeah I have been plateaued for about a year, but I'm good... right?  Change in plan!!!  You need to eat your RMR (what the HECK is an RMR?)  Resting Metabolic Rate www.restingmetabolicrate.net .  You need to feed your body the calories it needs just to survive, then exercise to create a deficit.  WHAT!!! I had no idea what my RMR even was... I went to the local college and had a quick test done.  2203 calories is what my body needs just to lay around and breathe.  How can I eat 2203 calories a day????  That's just crazy talk!!!

"If at first you don't succeed, Try doing what your trainer told you to do in the first place!"

It is there on the wall in black and white every time I step into the gym.  I focus on it during a particularly difficult 40 second set.  I cling to it with every extra calorie I shove into my mouth.  Trusting my body and my fitness to my trainer.  It is a very hard thing to do when everything you have ever learned or experienced tells you something different.

Maybe this diet pill will work.  Or this eating plan...(NOT) 

Well let me tell you right now.  You want to get fit and get results?  You have to put in the time and the sweat and you have to trust.  Do what your trainer told you to do in the first place!!!

 I am trusting my child and my body to the capable hands of my trainer.  I have begun increasing my caloric intake.  First to 1750 per day, now to 2000.  Guess what?  I gained weight!!!  But, I was told that I might.  The body needs to get used to the new caloric input and become efficient once again in utilizing energy.  I am doing the work and I am going to keep going!!!  More important, now I have a good base to help my son achieve his goals.  We are doing it together.

This time I am trusting that mind/body wellness will come with the continued trust and effort.  I have HIGH expectations and a LONG term goal.  I am teaching my child the RIGHT way to care for his health and hoping to build a lifetime of "healthy" for him.