If a kid can do it...

I have now included my nine year old son in my fitness journey.  He has a body type like his father and tends towards being overweight.  Because of the spotlight that has been placed on obesity, he finds himself being teased and put down by peers at school, and I am very sad to say also adults.  We had an incident at a restaurant where a grown man brought him to tears by calling him chubby.

Having no clue about children's fitness or diet I decided to find somewhere that I could get some help and learn how to help him.  There is a trainer in Tooele who does a Kids Fit program.  I have to say I was doing quite the happy dance when I found him.  The program includes 3 weekly workouts and a food plan.  I don't really want to get crazy on the food plan but do want him to learn healthy habits.

One thing this program offered was one free "Trial" workout.  So, I went home and talked up the trainer and the program.  "He is really fun!  There will be other kids and you can learn to workout safely for your body".  My son agreed and we went that week.  Oh man.  That was a HARD workout.  I am watching this little boy do pushups, lunges, pullups, shoulder presses etc.  They did four circuits with a 1 minute break in between each set just like I am doing in bootcamp.  One thing that really struck home as I am watching my son, obviously in pain and wanting to stop.  He "Stuck it out".  He did not stop once and did each and every set as directed.

In the car on the way home my sweet boy says.  "Mom, can we just increase my activity?  I don't think I like to workout".  I really had to laugh.  I then made a deal with him.  If you go, then I will make sure that I do my workouts just as hard as you do. 

Ok, so I will admit that often I find myself on the floor gasping for breath, crying on the inside during my workouts thinking "Please just make it stop!!!"  Often I then reduce my effort for a quick rest.  This amazing little boy just kept going.  So, my hero is my son and I have to think to myself as I am wanting to rest... "If a kid can do it..."

I CAN DO THIS!!! 

You want me to do what?

One of the best things about this bootcamp programs is that each workout is different.  They are all hard, but each is different.  In the three years I have worked out with Mariane, I have never ever done the same workout twice.  Where does she get this stuff?

When I walk into the building and see "Stations" I know that I am in trouble.  It means timed circuits.  Each one more painful then the next.  Then I see Ms. Pagnanni and all I am thinking is BURPEES!!!.... Nooooooo.  My burpee form is really ugly.  My stomach muscles are not quite strong enough to "jump" out everytime and I do a few, then start stepping them.  I can see myself in the mirror.  Stomach flapping, weird squat, awkward stand.  I am practicing at home so they won't be so funky looking, but so far, no go.

At this point I have a choice. When I walk in, I have to decide for myself. This is your workout.  Are you gonna leave it all out there? or are you gonna just go through the motions?  Tonight, I kinda was in the middle.  At several points I found myself kneeling on the floor panting and thinking... "nope".  Then I would remember, that No is not an option and go again.

At the end of the workout, I was sweating and tired, and gasping for air.  However, if I am honest, I probably had some more in the tank. This morning my muscles are screaming!  "Oh! hurts so good!".  I forgot over the last few months of inactivity how good it really feels to push yourself and find out what you can really do.

Some might not be ready to go full out on this kind of program, but you will never know until you try.  I have been that girl.  The "fattest" one in the class struggling with form and a few pushups.  Guess what.  You never know what you can do until you do it.  The sense of accomplishment you get from this is A-MAZING!!! 

You will find yourself wanting to do more and see more.  In short, your life seems more full.  I wish everyone I know could/would just try.  Go for a walk if you can't run.  Do one more pushup than you did last time, just progress and see what you are made of.  You will be surprised.

What do you want?

During orientation yesterday I caught a few things I guess I did not hear before.  The first was about goal setting.  What do you want?

I am sure I have heard the information, but maybe I was too busy/lazy to really think about it or maybe I was not ready to put in some serious contemplation.  I would usually just throw down my old standard.  I want to be thinner or I want to be able to keep up with my kids.  Those work right?  I have always held to the idea that if I were thinner I would be happy.  If I could just lose 50 pounds I would be happy.  All my current problems would be solved because I would be that fitness model you see in the magazines.  She's happy right?

Well, I have lost and gained the same 50 pounds for the last twenty five years and I have not found that blissful golden feeling I have been expecting each time.  If my goal was to lose that 50 pounds, then well... goal accomplished right?  WRONG!!!  Why then do I find that each time I slowly slip back into old habits. (ok, so most times I jump back in head first.  Grabbing handfuls of sugar and fat as I go down.).  Why do I find myself sitting in my car snarfing down that package of cookies I bought at the store that I don't want anyone to know about?  It's funny.  Here I am thinking that I am sneaking in some "extra" goodies and no one will ever know.  However, the evidence quickly shows up in that jiggly bulge over my pants and the tight shirts.  The headaches that re-occur.  The crappy energy and depression.  "Yeah, no one notices that!"

This time the question really resonated with me.  "What do you want?"  It was not as simple as what you want.  The question went on.  "What are you willing to do?".  "How will you get there?"  "What will motivate you when it gets tough?" Excellent questions.

I realized that a goal is more than "what I want".  You have to see it, you have to feel it, and you have to be willing to change your actions to get there. 

I have been thinking about that question now for two days.  "What do I want"?  I want to be thinner.  Okay, so what are you willing to do?  In my head I am thinking.  "Move more, Eat less".  Then I thought, "for how long"?  How long do you want to be thinner?  Until Easter?  Memorial Day?  Until the day you are so stressed you reach for the all comforting blanket of fat and sugar?  So maybe the be thinner goal is too vague.  I could say I want to keep up with my kids, but my kids are now pre-teen and teen.  They barely move anymore and I can lap them walking from the fridge to the couch so that won't motivate me much.

"What do I want"?  I want to feel good in my skin.  I want to be able to move and work when I want to and when I need to.  I want to age gracefully so that I can still do the things I want well into my older years.  I want to be an example for my children.  I want to love myself regardless of my shape, size, or weight.  These are long term goals and I realize that I may always be working on them.  So for the short term.  I want to finish the 10 week fitness class knowing I have given everything I had.  I want to eat clean healthy food.  I want to be able to move more easily and decrease the joint pain I have with osteoarthritis.

"What will I do"? I will go to each and every workout class that I possibly can.  No lame excuses.  I will eat healthy whole food following the menu as closely as I can without including grains.  I will do an extra 3 hours of cardio during each of the ten weeks.  I will take one day off to rest.  I will NOT put myself down and I will NOT use the phrase "I CAN'T"  I will read this every day and recommit. I will focus on what I want.  I will celebrate each and every success. (No, not with a food treat).

"What will motivate you?"  I will focus on the now and how my body feels each day.  I will think about each improvement no matter how small.  I will remember how bad it feels to stop moving.  I will think about how much better I am able to move each and every day.

Wow.  This stuff is powerful.  I personally think that you have to re-commit everyday.  Write down your goal and then tell yourself each day what you are going to do that day to take one more step in the journey. 

Day 1 - Women's Wellness Bootcamp

One thing I have realized along this journey is that for now, I cannot do this alone.  I need help staying on track and getting motivated to move forward.  Luckily, I have found a fitness class in my neighborhood that specializes in fitness for women.

It does not matter if you have never exercised before or if you are a veteran mover and shaker.  The message is "Make each workout YOURS".  Move at your level, but keep moving!!!

I have been in the group for a while, but have taken some time off.  I thought I was ready to go it alone, but quickly caved to the siren call of the television and junk food.  Today feels as if it is really my first day.  The scale looms as if it waiting to scream out my failure.  SHE GAINED 25 POUNDS IN 3 MONTHS!!!  WHAT A LOSER!!!  The humiliation is HUGE.  I know some of the women in the class.  I have cheered them on for months.  I know in my heart they will support me as I move on, but my head is shouting discouragement.

I packed my workout clothes the night before so that I will not have the excuse of "I forgot my clothes".  Then the wait and the arguments in my head.  I'm tired.  It won't matter if you just miss the first day.  It is soooo cold (8 degrees).

At the end of my workday I trudged down to the restroom to change my clothes and head out to class.  Yes!  I won the battle!  I actually made it!  Got on the scale and did the measurements.  Very sad to see how far I had gone down hill over the last 3 months, although I knew it... I just did not want to see it.

Now that I have my starting point I am ready to go!  Then the words FIT TEST echo in the room.  Oh man!!

The fit test helps you to know where you are at the beginning of the boot camp.  You then test at the end to see how far you have come in the 10 weeks you spend at class.  I have to tell you, I went all out.  I did not want to have my numbers be totally awful.  I mean, I have been working out for 3 years, I can do this.  Maybe I should have given myself some wiggle room for next time.  Although the fit test consisted of only 7 exercises and about 15 minutes I seriously could barely support my own hefty weight as I left the room.  I forgot about the 60 steps I needed to get to the car.  The 2 squats in and out of the car.  The 16 steps up to my bedroom.  So sad that I was completely done in.  Just 15 minutes had left me a puddle of jellly.

I am looking forward now to getting stronger and healthier as the days go on.  Dead in 15 minutes on day 1.  The adventure of the next 10 weeks is gonna be GREAT! (right?).

The beginning...

I am asking myself, "Why Blog"?  "Why make public what is a very private struggle?"  My answer... "Because maybe I can help someone else and myself at the same time".  By making this public, I am accountable.  To myself, and to you.  It is all out there, no hiding, no excuses!!!

It is really amazing how you can go through your life without seeing yourself until you have that “oh heck” moment when you are forced to face what you have allowed yourself to become.

I have been overweight my entire life, but truly thought “it’s not that bad”, “I’m not that heavy”. I probably would have been happy to continue along unhealthy and unaware if it were not for my “Oh Heck” moment.  My moment was a humiliating 5 minutes of my life that completely redefined how I thought and felt about myself.  I was boarding an airplane to go to Florida on a business trip.  Yeah the seats are small, but I have never had a moment like this.  As I sat down in my seat and reached for the belt to buckle up, I realized there was a good 4 inches to go to get it done up.  I looked around for the “right” belt.  Of course I was trying to use the one for the other seat… right?  Nope.  Right seatbelt.  Okay, suck it in and pull those ends together.  No go.  Scoot back in the seat and suck it in more.  No go.  My sweet husband then gets up and grabs both ends of the belt and attempts to force them together.  By now all of my seat mates and many in the surrounding rows have become aware of my dilemma.  The stewardess comes by with a “seatbelt extender”.  Says loudly, “You need a seatbelt extension”.  Then hands the offending piece of equipment to the man at the end of the row who then passes it to me.  I hunched up in my seat, now securely fastened and tried to disappear.  When did I get so heavy?  How could I not have noticed?  That day began my quest for change.  The quest for weight loss.  The quest for health and vitality.  

To begin -

I began to actually move my body.  I started walking and watching the calories that I was eating.  I dropped some weight then plateaued.  I began to research nutrition and fitness.  After enrolling in a local women's fitness class, I began to drop the weight that has been my ball and chain for my entire life.  I lost 70 pounds using whole food nutrition, weight training and cardio vascular exersize.   However, it has now been more that a year of being stuck at the same number on the scale and I am getting quite frustrated with the fight to be fit.  Is there really not a "magic" pill or shortcut?

I still struggle with the siren call of the cookie, cake, candy or pizza.  When I cave and eat them, my belly swells and the weight lunges up on the scale.  I am currently about 25 pounds heavier than I was at the end of summer.  I have been binging since labor day.  Fooling myself into thinking.  "Hey, I will go for a run later."  Later never seemed to come around.

TIME TO STOP THE MADNESS!!!  Today is now the day.  DAY 1 of bootcamp!  DAY 1 of healthy eating!  DAY 1 of the next step of the journey!